What to do when your lover doesn't want you getting fit

Sometimes the people we love the most and think will support our weight loss goals are the ones who derail us the most.  It may be intentional, but there are a lot of people who are unaware that they do this. 

And its not just spouses or significant others that can do this,but our friends and other family members can be our worst enemy when it comes to fitness.  Most people don't like change.  And when you decide to change for the better, it sends up a warning signal to your spouse, friend, parent, that you may not be happy. 

Then you have the people who show love with food. The food pushers get insulted when you turn down a second helping or dessert.  They feel that you're not accepting their love.

Here is a great article by Stephanie Saunders on how to go about getting your healthy on even when your mate might not be supportive.

Unsupportive Partners: Ways to Placate Your Mate When They Don't Feel Great about You Losing Weight


By Stephanie Saunders

To have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in weight loss and muscle building; till death do us part. It is unlikely that these were your actual vows on your wedding day, but often the most difficult struggle a couple can face is when one member is considering a change, while the other prefers the status quo. That includes having kids, changing careers or homes, and, yes, getting into shape. You'd assume that the more attractive your partner becomes, the happier you would be, but this isn't always the case. Increased attractiveness can foster insecurity, jealousy, resentment, and in extreme cases, emotional withdrawal and sabotage.


When a significant other becomes more attractive, and as a result, receives more and more attention, it can make the other person insecure. And if everyone starts turning their heads, look out! That person may start to wonder, "Why is my partner seeking so much attention? Is something already going on? If I find them attractive as they are, why isn't that enough?" The answer is, of course, that we want to change to feel better about ourselves. Not that having heads turn as you enter the Christmas party is not a bonus, but it really is about meeting your own goals. And when the love of your life suddenly forgoes snuggling on the couch with Chinese takeout for a P90X workout, resentment can enter the picture.

So how do you continue toward your fitness goals without letting it affect the relationship you have with your partner?

Begin with communication. In the same way you should consult your doctor before beginning an exercise program, talk to your partner about what you are looking to accomplish. Explain that this is not motivated by a desire to attract other people, or anyone already in your life, but simply because you want to be healthier and feel better about yourself. Going into detail about your exercise plan and nutritional goals can take the unknown out of the equation, and possibly spark a desire in your mate. If you are still met with resentment, explain that you do not expect your partner to change just because you want to, and that you love him or her exactly as he or she is.

Ask for support. The road to health can be a tough battle, and we can use all of the support we can get. Asking your partner to be supportive along this road can make a huge difference. Ask your mate to use positive comments regarding your progress, and to only ask if you are making a wise choice, if you actually slip up. This will allow your partner to feel like he or she is part of the process without giving him or her the power to control it. Encouraging your partner to join you along this path will elicit the greatest amount of support of all.

Get a training partner. If your mate is unwilling to join you, find someone who is. Having a training partner creates greater motivation and retention than doing it alone. Obviously, find someone of the same sex, or at least someone who won't threaten your mate. If you're meeting resistance from your mate, working out with Lorenzo Lamas won't increase the love at home. In addition to pushing one another to work out and eat healthy, talk with the training partner about your frustrations and ask about his or her own. If you are unable to find a Workout Buddy, remember your Beachbody® Coach is always available to give you added motivation.

Don't fall into eating pitfalls. Grocery shopping, meal preparation, and snacking can be challenging in a household on the same eating path. But when you are trying to eat lean protein and vegetables, and your partner would prefer macaroni and cheese with a side of fries, the challenge can become World War III. If you are the primary shopper and food preparer, you have a lot of power over what your family consumes. Healthy food can taste great, and your mate might have no idea that you have altered his or her diet. With that said, you might need to make concessions for what your mate desires and make alterations to meal plans that can satisfy both people's needs. Something as easy as adding an extra side for your mate can keep the peace. If you are not the primary meal provider, be prepared to take control over what you consume.

Also, make sure tempting treats are out of immediate reach. If you have a countertop full of potato chips and Oreos®, eating carrot sticks might lose its appeal. Put all of your partner's junk food in a specific drawer, and avoid it.

Try to work out around family time. There are only so many hours in a day, and you should spend at least eight of those hours asleep. Finding time to exercise can be challenging as it is. And if that exercise time cuts into time that can be spent with a loved one, resentment can build. I have several friends who began workout programs that took them immediately from work to the gym daily, which got them home at 9 PM. Basically, they didn't see their mate until Saturday, which did not go over well. Here is where P90X and INSANITY® workouts are so helpful. If you can manage to crawl out of bed a bit earlier in the morning, you can begin your day with an amazing workout, and still be home in time to have dinner with your partner. If you're a night owl, try working out after your love has retired for the evening. Being considerate of your time together can make all the difference in the world.

Keep the peace, but honor thyself. Sometimes all of the communication and consideration in the world will not help a partner to understand your desire to change. If this is the case, short of seeking therapy, you must continue toward your goals and try to make it as undisruptive as possible to your partner. We realize that this is one of the most important relationships in your life, but no relationship is more important than the one you have with yourself. Walking away from health and fitness to please someone else will just lead you down the path of resentment. Keep moving forward, creating positive change, and try to still give energy to the relationship. Maybe your partner will not understand, but perhaps over time, he or she can learn to accept.

Relationships can be incredible adventures that offer great opportunities for growth, happiness, and security. Learning to navigate that adventure can be challenging, but ultimately well worth it. Always remember that your greatest tools are communication and compassion. Sometimes, trying to understand why our partner is resistant can help you figure out a way to explain your needs to them. And know that change will come in life, whether we create it or not. Figuring out how to foster support over something like lifestyle change can make the harder struggles in life easier to deal with later on. Having six-pack abs should not destroy "till death do us part." And with communication, consideration, and some effective planning, perhaps your mate might learn to love your new look.

If you have questions or are having a hard time sticking to your workouts and healthy eating because of a loved one, send me an email to fitwithjessica@live.com

I would love to hear from you!! Please leave a comment below:)

Brazil Butt Lift beginning of week 3 results

Okay, I was a little afraid to take my measurements this morning. I wasn't on my best behavior with eating last week and over the weekend with Christmas.  I made cookies, and of course you can't make them without having one, two or a few. Then I made ravioli, had Chinese food, had a big Christmas breakfast, the list goes on.

One thing I made sure of though, was not missing a Brazil Butt Lift workout.  If I know I'm going to be eating worse than usual, I make sure I stick to my workout schedule.  Some people get so upset if they go overboard that they just throw in the towel and give up.  You can't do that!! You need to get over it and move forward. 

So here are my results with Brazil Butt Lift, so far:

Here were my measurements on Day 1/Week 1:


Waist 28.5"
Hips 36"
Thigh 20.5"

Here are my measurements on Day 6/Ending week1
Waist 27.5"
Hips 35.5"
Thigh 20"

And here are my results from today beginning Week3

Waist 27" (down another .5")
Hips 35" (down another .5")
Thigh 20" (unchanged)

I'm pretty impressed with the results so far!  Even after all of the cookies and extra snacks, I still managed to make progress:)

I'm a Team Beachbody Coach and former fitness/Pilates instructor.  But this doesn't make working out any easier for me. I know how hard it can be to find time to exercise or eat right,or just get started.  If you need someone in your corner to help cheer you on, let me help you by clicking here for free coaching and support.

I'd love to hear from you! Please feel free to leave a comment below or send me an email to fitwithjessica@live.com

Is it hard or is it easy? Only we can determine that

Why does it seem like its easier for some people to stick with an exercise or nutrition program? Why is it that some people can find the time to workout and make the most of it? Why do some people struggle with all of this? 

I know many of you who do struggle with this will quickly come up with defensive answers like "I'm too old" or "I don't have enough time." "I'm just meant to be this weight." "I can't control myself." "Its genetic." "I hate exercise." "Diets are too restrictive." "It will take too long." "Its too hard!" Trust me, I've heard them all and may have used one or two myself.  Nobody is perfect. If I don't watch what I eat and how much I exercise I can easily put on 15 lbs.  I know, I've been there.

But getting in shape or back in shape doesn't have to be hard at all.  Its really quite an easy formula. If you need to lose weight, you need to burn more calories than you eat. Its that simple and easy.  No weird science behind it.  The deficit in calories can be from adding exercise into your day or reducing calories, or a combo of both.

Its really scary because the US government estimates that over 2/3 of the adult US population is overweight or obese.  That means a lot of people out there either find it way too hard to do the right thing, or they've just totally given up hope.  What would make someone give up hope to jeopardize their health that way? Don't you think you're worth more than settling for high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, joint problems? If you are one of the majority of people who believes that there is a God or Creator, do you really think this is what he had in mind when He created you?  I don't think so. I think you definitely deserve better than to settle on the new "average" in the US. 

So let's quickly take a look on how easy it can be to lose 1 pound per week. If you lost 1 pound per week, that would be 52 lbs in one year! That's amazing!! And its easy to do. You just need to train your brain to 1) appreciate you and love yourself enough to take better care of yourself, 2) be positive about this, don't worry if you mess up, its not a race 3) realize that even the smallest changes you make will result in huge long term health gains.

By cutting your calories by approximately 500 calories per day you can lose 1lb per week.  The cool part is, if you exercise, you don't have to cut 500, it can be less than 500 (or even 0) depending on how much exercise you do!

But let's just tackle eating for now.  Here are some ideas on how to cut out those 500 calories.  I don't want you to cut the good stuff out like veggies, or high quality lean protein, we're talking the stuff your body really doesn't need:

3 homemade choc. chip cookies = 500 cals (approx)
2 beers, + 2 oz of chips = 500 cals (approx)
1-1/2 cups of ice cream = 500 cals (approx)
2 12 oz glasses of soda, + 1 cup of pretzles + 500 cals (approx)
1 tall mocha Frappucino + 1 plain bagel 500 cals (approx)

Now I don't want you skipping meals to cut out those calories. Skipping breakfast and lunch is probably the worst thing you can do because you'll be famished before dinner and on a rampage in the kitchen.  The above is just some of the extras we may include in our day that could be cut out if you really wanted to cut some pounds.

Hard or easy? Its really depends on how you look at it and how badly you want to improve your health before a doctor orders you too.

I would love to help you with healthy meal ideas and custom meal plans.  Having a meal plan will make losing weight and your life so much easier.  I love using my meal planner,it helps save me time and guessing what to make.  Click here if you'd like to take a 30-day trial of the meal plan I have to offer.  If you don't like it within the 30-days you get a full refund. 

Please feel free to leave a comment here or email me at fitwithjessica@live.com

Plant. Cultivate. Harvest. - Decide. Commit. Succeed.

I've been in the fitness industry for over 6 years now, and the amount of people who give up on their fitness goals always amazes me.  You would think that I'd be used to it by now, but I always hold out hope when a friend or client of mine makes the decision to get back in shape.  The odds are stacked against most people though.  And I can tell you it has nothing to do with genetics, gender, age, positive thinking, negative thinking, rewards, feeling deprived or any of the other excuses that I have heard or read.

I started reading "The Slight Edge," by Jeff Olson. It arrived in the mail yesterday and I was eager to start reading it.  The book 's subtitle is "Secret to a $uccessful Life." Yes, the "S" in "successful" is actually a "$"sign.  I knew a lot of people reading the book and the reviews were pretty good. But what I didn't know is that the author was going to tackle health and fitness and why some people will succeed, but most will fail and give up.

Again, this isn't about positive thinking or imagining our way to the perfect body, perfect life, perfect bank  account. I actually did read a book once that said if you picture yourself healthy and thin, you will become healthy and slim. Yeah, right! Or other books will tell you that if you think positively about exercise and getting healthy, you will want to do it more often.  But realistically we can't be positive 24/7. We're going to have bad days, and days where we'd rather not exercise or eat right.

In the book it says "We plant the seed by joining the gym, and then we get frustrated when a few days go by and there's no fitness harvest." OMG, this is so true. We want to plant the seed and go right to the harvest.  We expect that if we just jump on the treadmill for a week or start our first week of P90X we should see results now.  We want results after only 2 days of eating healthier. 

Our problem is that we're such an instant gratification society, that we forget it takes time to cultivate our "harvest."  In this case I'm talking our "fitness harvest." But this is also true with relationships, money, learning a new skill, paying off debt, etc... We have the good intention of starting something good, but if we don't see the results that day, we want to quit.

And as the author states, the results of quitting aren't very dramatic either, which makes it easy to do.  You're not going to drop dead of a heart attack tomorrow, if you decide to stop your exercise or eating right. But over time, if you continue to do so, it will happen.  But its the same with deciding to stick to a plan and cultivate it. You won't get that body you've been dreaming about right away, or your cholesterol might not go down yet, but in time will happen.

Too many times I've heard from people that they've been doing a week of P90X or Insanity and they don't notice any changes. Or they've started eating right (for a few days) and they still weight the same.  This always send up a red flag to me, because if they can't keep their focus on the unseen, big prize ahead of them, they may never make it there.

As Beachbody says, " DECIDE. COMMIT. SUCCEED."

So how about you? I'd love to hear your feedback, thoughts or questions.  You can leave a comment here or you can email me at fitwithjessica@live.com.